Fake Smiles and a Broken Heart
by NoEndToRealLove
Summary: Amanda is a 17 year old girl who is suffering from depression and is constantly battling the urge to give up and lose herself. She runs a life of pain, and agony. Follow her through her struggles. Will she beat it or let it beat her? Find out.
1. Prologue The Beginning of it All

**The Beginning Of It All.**

My name is Amanda. And this is my journal, because I've learned over a time span of one short little year that i cannot trust anyone anymore. Not even the people I truly love.

First I'll tell you a little about myself.

I'm 17 years old and my name is Amanda Smith. I am in grade 12, barely getting by might i add. And I'm not happy. Not at all. I'm not like a normal fun-loving teenager, I'm a young girl who got her heart ripped out, smashed, crushed, branded, chopped, mutilated and slaughtered by 2 people within the time span of..

One. Little. Year.

This is why I'm writing in here. Because no one will ever find it, and i don't have to put trust into the little pages of this book. I just have to guard it with my life, And i will do just that.

This is the beginning of the end of my mental sanity and happiness.

The beginning of the end.

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**Come on everyone! ill Put on chapter one after i get 5 reviews!! :) its going to get goood!**


	2. Chapter 1 My Happiness

**My Happiness.**

His name was Alex.

He was my everything. My sun, my moon, my friend and my role model. We were best friends. We would talk all night long through text messages on our phones. It was amazing. Everything that I've ever dreamed of in a boy. He was like my eternal happiness. We weren't in a relationship, we were just really really good friends. We hung out for an entire week one time, he even stayed over night. I felt like i was living in the clouds. I was so happy.

I had finally found a boy that i cared about. And bonus: He cared about me too.

I really liked him as more then a friend. And a few weeks after we met i told him that. And at first he said that he doesn't really think of me like that and everything but that he was totally flattered and stuff.

But then, a few days later he came on the computer and told me that he felt stupid for saying that because he does see me like that but just not that much yet, or whatever he said. I honestly don't remember. But all i know is that he said that he doesn't really know how he sees me yet. But honestly, that was good enough for me. As long as it's not a straight out "wow, weird, i don't like you" type thing, I was still happy.

Then we started to really get to know each other. Like i said, we spent a whole week together. We went on a hike in the rain, went to the park (my favorite place), got slushies, played board games, watched movies, and went to the mall. We did a lot. And it was the best week of my life. And I'm not even just saying that. It really was.

I was happy.

Alex is an amazing guy. And he always will be no matter how much he made me feel bad or hurt me. He truly is an amazing guy, But i was just going through a rough time in my life. Alex was truly my happiness in my life filled with pain. I found my happiness.

But it didn't last.

Good things rarely do.

I loved him. More then i have loved anyone. He was my first love. My happiness. My everything.

I did love him. I know I'm only 17 and i can't really say that with justification but he really was. The way i felt around him was an amazing feeling. A gut feeling. It makes your body tingle and your cheeks go red and your heart pound faster and faster. I felt love for him. I truly loved him with my entire heart. He saved me from myself and the agony that was already in my life. He took me out of my horrible life and brought me into this little world, a world where nothing bad could exist in my mind. A world of self-love and happiness that i have never found before. He made me feel whole again.

He made me feel good about myself. And worth everything that i had been feeling towards him. I've always been a very insecure person, but for once in my life i felt good. I felt beautiful and i truly felt...

Happy.

Alex became my addiction. I would text him every couple minutes of everyday, even throughout the night. He became the only person in my life that i really cared about. I could see that it was starting to get unhealthy for me, but i didn't care. I -after everything that had happened to me- was happy. So i didn't care. Nothing could hurt me. Nothing. As long as he was there, nothing could knock me off my high.

But i didn't have to worry about that. Alex, my best friend would never in a million years, leave me. He wouldn't. After everything that we did, and everything we've been through, he wouldn't leave me.

Or so I thought.

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Come on guys! 10 reviews? please? i know you can do this!! slackers! lmao. Kidding. but come on! i know its getting good! soo come onnn! 10 reviews then you'll get chapter 2 :)


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